Today I decided to talk about something different, a new year is approaching and I have decided to talk about love. Tis the season and love is a many splendored thing, isn’t it? A peculiar thing if you ask me.
Love comes in many forms: friendship, respect, fiery passion, last forever, unrequited, lover, girlfriend, wife, mistress, husband, boyfriend, friend with benefits… and all the spectrums of craziness in between. But, in the end, timing is everything.
We say we are looking for love, that we want love; cause love makes us happy, it makes us smile a little bigger, love tickles our stomachs and makes us do nice things. But love also terrifies the hell out of most of us as we remember the ramifications of what a broken heart can bring and the fear of rejection.
Ah, the cursed broken heart that tears on those heart strings, sending any person running to hide back behind their impenetrable walls. I’ve definitely been on both sides of the fence with this one.
You meet someone nice, cool, have great conversations, can actually see yourself spending time with; which in such a rapid paced world, time is limited and opening up those extra moments to share with someone means something. And then, dun dun duh…. the fear storms in, sending everything into a scivvy.
All of sudden one of the parties starts to pull away with no warning. Questions are asked, excuses are given: ‘Oh, I’ve been so busy, my life is crazy right now, work is really taking up most of my time’… I’ve not only heard them all, I’ve used most of them as well.
Usually things go two ways:
-you can walk away telling yourself, ‘they really didn’t deserve you’
-you can make a complete fool of yourself.
Which, I suggest when choosing the latter, do it when sober. What seems like a good thing to say on that second glass of wine or third cocktail, might not be so witty or important when you wake the next morning with a slight aching in your brain asking yourself,
Oh god, did I send that text?
Sometimes the complete fool wins out through sheer persistence and you end up being a great love story, sometimes you live with that gnawing feeling of ‘what if’, sometimes you move on.
I hate those ‘what ifs’. They drive me crazy. It doesn’t happen often enough, that you meet someone where all three elements collide: intelligence, personality, great sexual energy. Add in a really nice butt, eyes that can melt you, and a mutual respect for each other and like Andrew Dice Clay says, “bada bing bada boom”…
It’s all a game. People say they don’t play games, they don’t want drama, they want things to be mellow; but it’s rare that those statements are a reality, even when you have the best of intentions.
People are afraid to be honest and therein lies the game. I see it all the time, in all types of relationships. I am a firm believer in being honest and upfront, which at times hasn’t made me many friends, none-the-less, it’s what I have been taught.
At least you know what you’re getting yourself into or out of with honesty. When someone tells you, this is how it is, you then have the choice to pursue or fallback. But the wishwashiness of the continued ‘maybe’ is just leading someone on.
Now, like I have said, I have been on both sides of the coin and not always have taken my own advice. I’ve wishwashed before and now in hindsight can see that I was too afraid to be honest.
If I really like the person, I start asking myself,
What if he finds out I’m this crazy passionate gluten free girl with ADD who runs before she crawls and tends to say inappropriate, but witty things? That I still believe in the fairytale and happily ever after, even though most people think it doesn’t exist.
Will he still like me? Will he run? Will he take me into his arms and kiss me like Tom Cruise kissed Kelly McGuillis in Top Gun, after he takes off on his motorcycle and she chases him?
I’m hoping for the Top Gun moment but I’m starting to wonder if I am really giving myself the chance to have it. I can be such a pouty bitch sometimes. But I suppose we all have our idiosyncrasies.
Finding the perfect person, is finding someone whose imperfections makes them perfect for you. Someone you can talk to about anything, feel comfortable with in those silent moments, laugh with until you cry and cry with until you laugh. Someone you can dance in front of with no music and not feel like a complete dork, even though deep down that is exactly what you are and they are ok with it.
I know that ‘happily every after’ takes work and sacrifice, it’s not like you get to see Cinderella arguing with Prince Charming or cleaning up his throw-up after a bout with the flu. But that is the reality. Who’s to say that fairytales don’t exist within reality?
There are many people out there who no longer love their significant other but stay for money, fear, kids or the myriad of other reasons they have. People who’ve stopped working at their love, letting it slip away as their eyes start to wander.
I tell people, forever is a long time, so choose wisely. But when you find that ‘perfect’ someone, forever seems to come to quickly.
I believe that if we were all blind, we would pick very different partners to fall in love with. Just imagine that for a moment.
This is actually a great exercise to try if you can get your partner to agree to it. Have a complete meal or sit on the couch with your eyes closed and just be together, as if this was a normal thing. Hear their voice, smell their essence, feel the energy in the room that the two of you create. It may seem strange, but it really adds a completely different perspective. It not only sheds light on the relationship, but adds an element of ‘seeing’ something that you never did before.
Some say that love is blind, but we all know that it isn’t. The blindness is either the refusal to see the truth or being able to see it and loving them in spite of it.
This past year for me has been about an abundance of change in almost all aspects of my life. I have found my true passion in life and have been working tirelessly through GlutenFreeGal to spread the word. But through this tireless passion I have also let things, important things, like friendships and relationships, fall to the wayside. Now, as I reflect on this past year, it is all starting to hit me what I have given up to fulfill my dream.
Will love find me or you in this next year? Maybe it already has… All we can do is keep our hearts open and be honest with our expectations of the kind of love we want and need in our lives and not settle.
So, cheers to the future, cheers to love, and cheers to finding that perfect someone who can make this crazy world seem a little less insane and fill your heart with the happiness we all deserve.
Happy Valentines Day